annahinks:

uprightcitizens:

1. The Pacific Ocean.
2. The Sierra Nevadas.
3. 75-degree weather in January if you live down south.
4. Snow if you live up north.
5. Rain and fog if you live in the bay area.
6. Los Angeles.
7. San Francisco.
8. San Diego.
9. We popularized surfing.
10. The entertainment industry lives here.
11. Legal gambling all over the place.
12. Disneyland.
13. Sea World.
14. More than half of the nation’s fruits, nuts, and vegetables are grown here.
15. Happy cows? Yep, they come from California too.
16. You can drive to Vegas in like five hours.
17. The gold rush, he-llooooo? Nobody ever rushed to Wisconsin for anything. Kansas was never filled with gold. Suck it.
18. Also, the chain restaurant Claim Jumper is Gold Rush themed, so if you’ve ever enjoyed a giant slice of Chocolate Motherlode Pie, you have California and our gold to thank for that.
19. When California was ratified as a state, we already had our own Constitution. It was so great that other states that came later borrowed from it.
20. Avocados.
21. Guacamole.
22. Real Mexican food.
23. Medical marijuana. You can get that shit for anything here! And you won’t get arrested!
24. In-n-Out Burger. Enough said.
25. If California were a country, its economy would be within the ten largest in the world and it’d be the 35th most populous country in the world. The World. Suck it, Rhode Island! You’ve got chickens!
26. We’ve got national parks coming out our ass out here! You like big trees? Go to Sequoia! We’ve also got Yosemite (home to Bridalveil Falls) and San Simeon and Lake Tahoe and blah blah blah!
27. Hearst Castle. There are zebras roaming around that motherfucker! Just walking around down by the highway and shit! ZEBRAS! I don’t care who you are, that’s pretty awesome.
28. Silicon Valley. If you like technology and computers and things of this nature, you can thank California.
29. No matter what your favorite TV show is, it is/was probably shot here. And if it isn’t, it was probably shot in NY/Toronto, which are both acceptable substitutes. But nobody shoots TV shows and movies in South Dakota!
30. Six Flags Magic Mountain.
31. Hurricane Harbor.
32. Raging Waters.
33. Pharaoh’s.
34. Basically, we have the best water parks ever.
35. California is the home of the world’s largest thermometer. You think that’s a joke? CLICK ON THE LINK. Boom, roasted!
36. Did I mention that we took surfing from Hawaii and turned it into like, a big fuckin’ deal?
37. On that note, the Beach Boys. How many times has their music been used to set the mood in some beach-themed film or whatever? You can thank us later.
38. We’re way too cool to call it “Cali.”
39. Or, for those of us who live down here, “SoCal.”
40. I don’t even have time or space to start listing all the great musicians and bands who came out of California.
41. We know that Hollister is not at all a surf paradise, but actually a little cow town a good fifty miles inland.
42. You like the beach? Don’t live anywhere near the beach? Here you go. Here’s a beach webcam. You’re welcome.
43. We invented Jamba Juice. Once again… you’re welcome.
44. The Monterey Bay Aquarium will kick your aquarium’s ass. Don’t believe me? Okay, well, tell that to the sea otters pouting at you face-to-face. You can’t hold an argument with a sea otter, you just can’t.
45. Also, when you’re done at the Monterey aquarium, you can walk over to the original Bubba Gump’s Shrimp Co. restuarant and have some fuckin’ Tom Hanks fish and chips. (The fried chicken is also really good.)
46. We’re not all tan vegetarians, but I’d be a liar if I said it wasn’t easier to be a tan vegetarian here than it is in the Midwest or deep South.
47. Also, if you stay out of the Central Valley, the number of crazy Bible-thumping people you will encounter is surprisingly low.
48. We’re also the home of Death Valley, the nation’s hottest national park. You hear that? We’re number one!!
49. Speaking of cool national parks, let me present to you Joshua Tree.
50. Oh, and one more thing — what’s that? Oh, yeah. Our governor is the motherfucking Terminator. Case closed. Boom.

I fully endorse all of this, even though number 50 embarrasses me sometimes.

And we didn’t just invent Jamba Juice; I’m pretty sure we invented In-N-Out and Pinkberry as well.

Posted 2 years ago with 158 notes